10 things I hate about
well things in general.
- The Escalade parked outside of my apartment with an alarm so sensitive that it goes off if a butterfly farts within 50ft of it.
- People who email me with a neighbor issue FOR THE FIRST TIME saying something to the effect of “It’s gotten to the point where we want to move”. Awesome! How ’bout you let us know about the issue before it gets so bad that you’re about to stab someone and see what we can do to fix it instead of just flat out threatening to move?
- Texas’ bipolar weather. It’s hot. It’s cold. It’s a perfect day for a nice walk until OMG WHO TURNED ON THE HEATER (or A/C). I wish that the weather at least pretended to be some what predictable. I feel like they probably don’t pay Texas meteorologists enough. That or they pay shit because you have a better chance of predicting Texas weather by having a drunk monkey throw darts at a list of days of the week, temperatures, and weather events than by getting a degree and trying to actually predict the weather. HELLO mother nature, it’s January, why the fuck is it 76* in my apartment?
- Food Trucks. Ok, actually I flippin love food trucks. Especially the ones that park on the block outside my apartment every Wednesday. What I hate is food trucks on the block outside my apartment when I’m trying not to gorge myself like a gluttonous pig. I really wanted the BBQ and Cupcakes from the food trucks. The succulent aroma was calling to me as I walked my dog (and attempted to loose the extra ass cheek I saw in my pants this morning). I was strong, but just barely.
- Hall & Oats. I also don’t actually hate them either. But the satellite station we have to listen to at work pretty much plays all H&O all the time. WTF? I guess the silver lining is that it isn’t that Will.I.Am/Brittney Bitch song… so Brit’s out of her batshit insane stage and back to emulating Madonna fake British accent and all?
- Stupid iPhones with their stupid uber shatterprone screens. What I hate even more is that I want to get this one fixed ASAP (instead of trading in for a more sturdy phone) and I also want an upgrade in Sept.
- Booze abstention. So I kinda suck at that anyway since I had 2ish (ok probably 3) glasses of wine tonight. But still. Hate it. Not that I can’t enjoy sober time, but sitting around at 10:30-11pm with out finishing off a bottle of wine is a little sad (or is it more sad that I find it sad that I’m not letting myself drink(much) anymore?)
- Dog farts. I was sitting here writing this out when all of the sudden the smell of decomposing fish carcasses assaulted my olfactory senses… in other words, I SMELL SOME STANK! I don’t understand what is going on in her (my dog, Lily’s) stomach that makes such a noxious aroma, but I pretty much want to lock her in the hallway for the night. Good thing she’s cute.
- Have I mentioned the fucking Escalade parked outside of my apartment that has THE most annoying car alarm around? I’m pretty sure an alarm shouldn’t go off just because someone looked at your pathetic attempt at auto buying penis enlargement. It didn’t work, and only resulted in a good number of people considering helping each other out when slashing your tires (I don’t condone slashing anyone’s tires… unless the guy fucked your best friend in which case slash away*)
- Anyone who would wear this shirt. Thank you Tazer for opening my eyes to the fact that some people think it funny to walk around looking like they’ve entered a contest for ‘largest thing to emerge from a gaping vag’, may I never make their acquaintance.
*probably still not a good idea to slash anyone’s tires no matter how many people think it’s a viable solution.
Something I don’t hate? Mac and Cheese. I lurve me some mac & cheese. My ever growing ass however does not. So tonight I tried something a little different, I switched up a few ingredients and added cauliflower and it ended up at about 200 calories from one (pretty big) serving.
Mac&Cheese (with cauliflower)
- 1 tbps oil (or margarine or butter)
- 1tbsp flour
- 1 C milk (I used almond to reduce calories)
- 2Oz Chipotle Gouda shreeded
- 2Oz Goat Cheese- crumbled
- Seasoning to taste (salt, salt, salt, nutmeg, paprika…)
- 1 C cauliflower (I used yellow)
- 1/2 C whole wheat elbow maccaroni
- 1/4 C parmesan
Throw the cauliflower and elbow macaroni in boiling water, continue to boil for ~8 mins.
Make a roux (oil/flour). Slowly add warmed milk removing all lumps lower heat and stir to thicken. Slowly add in cheese and seasonings and stir until incorporated.
Strain pasta/cauliflower mix. Cover with cheese sauce and pour into small baking dish. Top with parmesan cheese and place under broiler for 4-5minutes until bubbly.
Makes about 4 servings. YUM