TrainWreckRecovery

1 part therapy + 2 parts wine

Archive for the month “March, 2013”

Success!

My snatch is successfully waxed.

I was terrified. 

But I had missed the window for cancellation and so I had to go.

I have to say, that I was surprisingly comfortable allowing this lady to root around my lady garden.

The lady was a miracle. I went in looking like Sasquatch and left as smooth as a baby.

It was painful. Really really painful. 

But manageable pain. For the most part.

The directly over the pubic bone was surprisingly the worst. 

I definitely suggest it though. 

Now I’m trying to figure out what scent of sugar scrub I want to make to help keep my skin silky smooth. I’m thinking peppermint and lavender…

 

What the hell am I doing (not safe for straight men!)

Or probably gay men either!!!!

 

Tomorrow my beaver will become bald as a newborn. I purchased a groupon a few months ago for a Brazilian and about two weeks ago (while INCREDIBLY intoxicated) I made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.

 

I have been terrified for days and was convinced that I would cancel.

 

However, I somehow missed the cutoff time and the 24-hr cancellation window passed me by. So now I’m destined to have my pubic hair ripped out in a manner that is most definitely due to be incredibly painful… and for what? I doubt anyone else will be checking out my downtown anytime soon!

 

Damn.

Crazy

Not me. 

 

For once.

 

I just dealt with a ton of cray cray today and it’s hard to process.

 

There was the guy who came into the office crying (and was likely a rent-boy and tweaking).

The mommy of a 22 year old who can’t cut the cord and is managing her daughter’s life. Who is also rich enough to have houses in THREE expensive cities but argued over (a required) $300 fee.

A lady who was co-opting her 94 year old mother’s identity to secure an apartment (and called at least 6 times).

The guy who pretty obviously had stolen someone’s identity when he applied online for an apartment but tried very unsuccessfully to argue that he should be allowed to live in our place.

Really… the stupid, it HURTS!

 

I’m drowning my annoyance in a bottle of Shiraz and eating a plate full of cheese and crackers and promising myself that I’ll start back on my eating healthy kick in enough time to not be fat for my 10 year high school reunion… can we talk about how that’s happening already and I think I’m not old enough to have graduated 10 years ago?!?!?!?!?

St. Patrick’s Day Fail

We had a big St. Patrick’s Day brunch at work today. I was (as always) in charge of making the mimosas. We were making them green in the spirit of the holiday.

The first bottle of champagne that I opened shot out rather quickly, but I was able to get it to the container pretty quickly. The next 4 were ok. Then came number 6. That one sprayed RIGHT in my eyes. 

Champagne HURTS when it’s sprayed in your eyes!

But despite that bit of fail the brunch did turn out well. The mimosas were good (and green thanks to blue food coloring!). The omelets were fluffy and savory. And everyone was in high spirits… even the guys who were really really  hung over from the Dallas St. Patrick’s Parade and Block Party yesterday. 

We should have offered a bowl of ibuprofen!

The rest of this St. Patrick’s Day will be devoted to catching up with the TV shows I missed this week and finishing off those green mimosas! 

Happy Holiday that American’s Celebrate by Getting Wasted While True Irish People Wonder WTF We’re Doing… Can’t wait for  Cinco de Mayo when we do the same thing except with margaritas!

I suck

I just really really can’t keep up with this thing. I did so well for a while and now I’m back to forgetting about it.

I’m off the wagon. Both with the ‘I’m going to stop drinking so much’ thing AND the ‘I’m going to eat better and work out’ thing. 

So on this Saturday night I’m catching up on Vampire Diaries* (is it a guilty pleasure if you admit it?) drinking a bottle of cheap ass wine and eating a sleeve of Girl Scout Cookies (Thin Mints of course).

*if you question why I watch Vampire Diaries… 

exhibit A:

Image

 

exhibit b:

Image

 

Ok, No need for exhibit C… pretty much I just watch for the half naked men. Damn.

 

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