TrainWreckRecovery

1 part therapy + 2 parts wine

Archive for the tag “depression”

Best Blog I’ve read about depression

I’ve struggled with depression for a long time.

I’ve squashed it by being outgoing and super personable all while feeling…. nothing.

No one seemed to know quite what that felt about until today.

When I read Hyperbole and a Half‘s latest blog post I finally felt like someone understood.

Depression isn’t sadness. It’s a black hole that sucks away all feeling. 

And it’s compounded by the fact that your friends just don’t understand the ’cause’ of it or why you can’t ‘snap out of it’.

I fucking tried,

It didn’t work.

At best I could do was camouflage my (lack of) emotions so as to seem carefree and fun. But I was mostly just hoping I could stop caring about the few things left in my life that kept me alive.

Basically, Lily, my dog.

I remember once breaking down sobbing to my (then) roommate wondering what would happen to Lily if I died. I was relieved to know that he would take her, but I still couldn’t be comfortable knowing she’d be without me. And I knew she needed me. 

My friends/family were also a consideration though somehow not as much.

I understood that my death would hurt them, I mostly couldn’t care about that though. 

Luckily I realized that the place I was in was unhealthy and didn’t have to be permanent. So I got help and I’m not (mostly) feeling better.

 

But I was happy to finally see that someone understood what I’d gone through for so long. 

 

So thank you Allie!

Under my umbrella-ella-ella

I’ve been worried/stressed/bummed lately and all for… nothing. Life is actually going pretty well for me right now. Work’s not going completely my way (but so is the way of sales) but I’ve got great friends, I’ve found some really fun hobbies and generally speaking things are good.

Of course you can’t tell that to my anxiety and depression. It’s definitely not as bad as it can be, but I’m trying to work through it. I’m back on my meds which is definitely good and hopefully in a week or two I’ll be feeling better again.

For a few weeks I was having difficulty sleeping. Anxiety during the day sucks, but I HATE anxiety when I’m trying to sleep. Hell even when I manage to fall asleep I have the most stressful dreams and wake up less than rested. 

My doctor proscribed a sleep aid that also works for nighttime anxiety and it has seemed to be helping a little. 

So because of the anxiety and depression and general bitchiness from lack of sleep my eating habits have definitely backslid lately. I’m working on putting together a new weekly menu and going grocery shopping tomorrow that will hopefully help me to feel a bit better. 

I’m trying to work out of this funk and to remember that things are actually looking up for me right now. I need to stop thinking about the worst possible scenarios and enjoying the sunshine while it’s out.

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